“JAN MOIR: The tackiest house in Britain! Giant fish tanks and lashing of velour make this a palace fit for a WAG...” |
| Posted: 22 Sep 2010 05:25 PM PDT By Jan Moir Talk about the taste of Ireland! Or - more accurately - lack thereof. Until he threw open the doors of his lurid Cheshire mansion to a celebrity magazine, Cork-born footballer Stephen Ireland was most famous for once flashing his superman underpants on the pitch. Oh! There was also another difficult incident when he lied about his grandmother being ill to escape playing in an Irish international match; a misdemeanour for which he has never been forgiven in his homeland. Nor has he played for his national team again. Now the Aston Villa millionaire can add another crime to his charge sheet. That's right, my fellow décor watchers. Together with his partner, Jessica Lawlor, who is also the mother of his three children, Ireland is guilty of some of the most serious crimes against good taste since the Beckhams parked their bottoms on matching velvet-look, VD-monogrammed thrones during their wedding ceremony.  Drop in the ocean: Stephen Ireland and Jessica Lawlor in front of the aquarium and customised black pool table in their home  Lapdog of luxury: Jessica and Stepehn with the WAGs' pet of choice, a Chihuahua  Fairytale decor: The bedroom of the couple's five-year-old daughter For this week, in the pages of Ireland's VIP magazine, Stephen and Jessica show exactly what happens when an unlimited decorating budget collides with only a very limited understandingof the concepts of elegance and style, not to mention understatement. And obviously no one did. Instead, their blingtastic home looks like a cross between the foyer of a Dubai hotel and the downstairs lounge of a flash northern nightclub. And that is just the way they like it.
Really, Stephen and Jessica are the kind of couple who shouldn't be allowed out to buy a cushion without adult supervision, but who can stop them? Amid the high-wattage glare of their conspicuous consumption, they commit grievous bodily harm against soft furnishings and assault the good name of fixtures and fittings over and over again.  Footloose: Jessica with her impressive collection of shoes at the home she shares with her Premier League boyfriend  Party time: The cocktail bar with circular shelf units  Cushioned from the outside world: One of the guest bedrooms Open their front door and you will be dazzled by a well-stocked, giant, neon-lit aquarium and a cocktail bar with circular shelf units displaying bottles of booze.  Stephen Ireland opened the doors of his home to VIP magazine Yes, it's that kind of place; the last time Wayne Rooney popped in, he tried to buy a £200 packet of fags. Even worse: in front of the 10ft-high slab of aquarium stands a customised black pool table, with Ireland's name emblazoned across the baize in silver letters. How could even a sober footballer manage to pot the pink? No wonder the fish look embarrassed. Of course, you need sunglasses to look around the place, so just as well that Jessica has got a sunglasses wardrobe, right next to the shoe wardrobe where she keeps lots of pairs of things she calls Lew Bootins. Naturally, she has an in-house sunbed (right next to her double Jacuzzi) which keeps her looking the colour of a roast peanut all year round in the teeny-weeny dresses she favours. Elsewhere, their five-year-old daughter's bedroom is decorated in a shade of pink known in the trade as Barbie's Kidney. The walls look as if they might pulsate all on their own, even if the murals of Tinkerbell and Cinderella only heighten the nightmarish atmosphere. And who is that clambering out of the pumpkin coach next to the mini dressing table? It looks like Princess Katie Price. Ireland, who moved from Manchester City to Aston Villa this season for 9.6 million euros, is also pictured posing on a grey sofa with Jessica and their pet Chihuahua, which could pass as the couple's four-legged love child. The couple sleep in a master bedroom (sadly not shown in the pictures) which is decorated in uncompromising aubergine, complete with purple silk bed covers, matching cushions trimmed with marabou and a giant television encased in purple crushed velvet. The result is that if stephen gets a kicking on the pitch, the bruises don't even show, which is rather a nice touch. I don't even want to talk about what is lurking in their triple garage, but it's got pastel leather seats, a pink trim, is inscribed with love hearts and, unfortunately, is not a pram. No, it is a £260,000 customised Bentley bought by stephen for Jessica as a birthday gift. At least it is an improvement on the pinktr immed Range Rover the gruesome twosome had before. Finally, there is an indoor pool, an outdoor hot tub and an ornate garden, complete with polished stepping stones and enough decking to cover an aircraft carrier. say what you like about footballers and their devoted WAGs, but they know how to spend money. The problem is, they just don't know what on. Or when to stop.  Stephen Ireland bought a £260,000 customised Bentley for his girlfriend Jessica Lawlor for her birthday  Loving message: Stephen had a note woven into the seats for his girlfriend  Nice wheels: His own car isn't much better - a Range Rover with pink wheels
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